by Sheri Horn Hasan
I awaken the morning of my birthday and, as I emerge into consciousness from my hazy dream-like sleep state, think I hear my teenage son’s voice outside my bedroom door say clearly the word “schism!”
Trouble is, I know he’s at his dad’s house and nowhere near my vicinity! His voice seemed so real, however, that I open my bedroom door to confirm that he is, in fact, not here…
What to make of this? I wonder. I’d heard it clear as day! There’s no doubt at all in my mind it’s a message of some sort to which I should most definitely pay attention! But why? And how?
Immediately I text a friend to tell her about this strange occurrence.
“I’ll have to look up schism,” she texts me back.
“Split, as in the psyche!” the editor in me shoots back to her. “That was my immediate thought…I’ve been pondering how and why I attract people with mental health issues, and if they’re merely projections of my own inner instability, and then comparing my ex-husband to John.
“Sheharyar–extreme irrationality due to high anxiety, John–highly strung nervousness. So I thought, are they really different in the end, or merely manifestations of a variation on a theme–all of which really stem from me internally?”
“Yeah, I was thinking chasm, as in rock,” she replies. “The chasm allows you to go down deep. Crack things open. Feeling that discomfort is an invitation to find a way to get comfortable with yourself.”
I look up the word “schism” which, as defined by Merriam Webster Dictionary, means: division, separation, discord, disharmony. I learn that schism is the basis for the word “schizophrenia.” I laugh.
The Fluidity of Choice
Recently, I’d ended a nearly five-year relationship with my boyfriend John when he began to exhibit major symptoms of commitment phobia. I figured now that his kids were both in college, and mine would be leaving soon to start his college “career,” it was ok to start making future plans–together.
I turned out to be wrong–dead wrong…
As an intuitive editor, professional astrologer, and past life regression facilitator, it’s my belief that the universe is benign. While it may not always give us what we want, I believe it always gives us what we need. The trouble is identifying the difference between the two…
How do I maintain this philosophy of life and reconcile it with what’s happening around me? I wonder. Why am I being asked to get rid of something I need–a loving relationship? I lack the clear insight necessary to appreciate exactly how the universe is acting in my own best interest here!
Initially overwhelmed with negative thoughts and emotions, I felt forced to end this relationship based on my own sense of dignity and pride, but deep down inside I know that he ended it, not me. He simply didn’t have the guts to confront me and express himself, and so began to shy away from spending time together and making any future plans.
As feelings of insecurity and worthlessness begin to surface from below, I become irrationally fearful. Am I doomed to be alone forever? I cry. What did I do to deserve this? What’s wrong with me?
Determined to get to the bottom of this, I begin to see how these negative emotions obscure my vision and cloud my perspective. I’ve long pondered the nature of perspective, and several years ago became aware that my perspective is always a matter of choice.
So I tell myself now it’s time to walk my talk. I can choose to believe that all events in my life happen for my greater good, that even tragedies have their silver linings, and that I’m here on earth to increase my level of consciousness in order to achieve true happiness for my soul.
When I choose otherwise–to believe that I’ve been dealt a “bad” hand and that others owe me for that, or that I’m weak and in need of sympathy and empathy–I do myself a disservice in my quest for greater consciousness. Likewise, when I choose to bury my head in the sand, mire myself in my own misery, or blame others for my misfortune, I’m missing one very big truth: that my perceptions are my choice!
I remind myself that another may see things only from his or her perspective, while I view the same issue from the opposite perspective–even though we’re both looking at the same thing!
Why not turn things around? I ponder. Just as one would rotate an object in one’s hand to see it from the other side or from a different angle? That way I can view it from a different perspective! And inherent in that concept is neither good nor evil. Inherent in that is simply a “difference in perspective.”
I begin to grasp this intellectually and apply it to my current situation. Suddenly I see how another’s perspective–even if it’s opposite to mine–is also a matter of choice. The fluidity of “choice” then becomes apparent, and I understand how choosing to look at a situation one way is as easy as choosing to look at it another way!
And, my choices can change! What I choose to believe today does not have to be what I choose to believe tomorrow. Such “fluidity” of choice makes changing what I believe less of a crime in my own mind. As one who prides herself on being a woman of her word, of meaning what I say, and of staying true to that, this is quite a revelation!
I realize that initially my perspective is that John left me. However, when I choose consciously to realign my thinking–to change my perspective–I understand that I’m the one who ended the relationship because he simply couldn’t give me what I need…
Bridging The Gap
Two weeks later I surface once again into consciousness from sleep one morning as a voice in my head I can only describe as coming from the great beyond says: “Conversations About Consciousness!”
Though it sounds ludicrous to say out loud, this voice reminds me of the one in the movie The Ten Commandments–stern and definite, like the voice of God speaking to Moses on top of Mount Sinai.
Again, what to make of this?
In addition to being an author, editor, and writing coach, I’m a professional psychological and archetypal astrologer familiar with Jungian psychology as it applies to the interpretation of an individual’s natal, or birth, chart. I know enough from my studies that, according to Carl Jung (himself an astrologer), we all have a conscious mind and an unconscious, or subconscious, one.
Merriam Webster Dictionary to the rescue once again! Unconscious means not aware of something, while subconscious is defined as existing in the part of the mind that a person is not aware of; existing in the mind but not consciously known or felt.
Hmm, I muse once again...but isn’t part of the point of life soul growth and greater consciousness? And isn’t bridging that gap between the conscious and unconscious important for those interested in greater soul growth and increased consciousness?
While I do not recognize what’s in my subconscious brain, I know often that what bleeds through to consciousness comes in the form of dreams and/or dream states. This information, this knowing, which flows across the boundary between my subconscious and conscious minds, takes the form of thoughts, insights, and revelations–in short, the elixir or gold of the Hero’s Journey–as they rise into consciousness.
Ah, I get it now! Therein lies the importance of the word schism spoken to me from out of the blue that day! This voice came to me from deep within my soul, and its purpose was to alert me to the two different sides of my own psyche–my conscious and unconscious minds–and the “split” between the two…
“As Above, So Below; As Within, So Without…” ~ Hermes Trismegistus
Several months later I decide to join a small group of like-minded souls to practice Deep Memory Process past life regression work. During the course of my own regression–facilitated by another practitioner–I’m surprised to arrive at an answer about how I manifest people in my life with mental health issues and why…
As I enter the regression state (a cooperative venture between client and facilitator whereby I allow myself to relax and simply go with the flow and describe the images that arise from my psyche), I see a woman in her bed with long, dark, disheveled hair protruding from the bedcovers.
Then I see myself walking around the bed to rouse this woman, as I begin to recognize it’s afternoon. I realize this person is my mother, and that she’s sleeping late because she’d fallen into a drunken stupor the night before. I don’t know how, but I know my father has left long ago–he either abandoned us or passed away.
As my regression proceeds, I’m guided forward to see that I love attending school and when I graduate from high school I obtain a job as a secretary in a business. The time period seems to be around the turn of the century and, because I have no husband, I find a way to support my mother and myself through this job.
In those days, private and personal lives are completely separate, and it isn’t long before I realize I can never marry because I cannot disclose to any male suitor that my mother is an alcoholic. Eventually, I don’t try to stop her from drinking. Instead, I fall into the routine of going to work each day, returning home every evening to make dinner and to put my mother–by now in a drunken stupor–to bed. Essentially, I live a lonely, solitary life, except for work where I am well-liked and respected.
Suddenly one night, after leaving my mother in her usual stupor on the couch in the living room, I see myself at my kitchen table–talking to someone who isn’t there! Oh my God! I realize immediately that once the true horror of the sameness of everyday life–with no prospect of a future family–set in, my mind created a relationship that didn’t really exist–and I fabricated a husband out of loneliness and sheer desperation!
Holy s*#t! Was I crazy? Maybe so, but now I can certainly understand why! Talk about gaining a new perspective! Instantly, I’m able to sympathize and feel compassion–for myself–and suddenly it dawns on me that it’s not about whether my internal “craziness” causes me to manifest relationships with people onto whom I project my fantasies, it’s about avoiding entering into such emotionally desperate situations…
Wow! Making the unconscious conscious isn’t easy! However, more determined now than ever to gain greater insight into myself, surfacing into consciousness is a journey I’m definitely willing to take…